Shabbat Shalom: Grieving Without Judgment or Shame

Apr 24, 2025 | Article

By: Cindy Coons
Director of Jewish Explorers & Family Engagement

Have you ever meticulously planned a large event or special celebration so everything would go smoothly and then it didn’t? In this week’s parsha, Sh’mini, the Tabernacle is finally complete and ready for the Israelites to pray together as a community. Even though the Israelites have carefully planned every detail for their grand celebration, their plan goes awry. With preparations completed, the Priests, led by Aaron, are ready to begin their worship service. However, this is not how the story continues. Before they begin their first service, Aaron’s sons, Nadav and Avihu, bring a “strange fire” to the Tabernacle, which God had not commanded them to do. A tragedy ensues with God killing both Nadav and Avihu. In this moment of great tragedy, Aaron remains silent. There are several different interpretations of why Aaron remains silent. One is that his grief is beyond words and the other is that since he is a High Priest, he is forbidden to mourn as if he were an ordinary individual.

Grief is such a personal experience, even when we are collectively impacted by the same unimaginable tragedy. We each have unique lived experiences and coping mechanisms, and how we each respond will be quite different. Many have interpreted the reasons why Aaron responded to the horrific news of his sons’ deaths. Perhaps we would have expected Aaron to respond with noticeable outward grief. But his authentic grief experience was one of introversion and quiet. Although we may be tempted to make assumptions about the right way to grieve, the truth is, there is no right or wrong way to navigate the grief process.

As we continue to navigate such unimaginable times as a community and personal challenges in our own lives, may we each find kindness and compassion that allows us to grieve without judgment. May we feel comfortable sitting in the noise and in the silence, for others and ourselves, honoring what we need to grieve without shame. May we create spaces that allow each of us to grieve in the most authentic way without judgment and shame. And may this be so for everyone in our community. Shabbat Shalom from all of us at JEWISHcolorado.

Please email Cindy Coons at ccoons@jewishcolorado.org with questions or comments.