By: Michelle Ruby
Director of Teen Israeli Emissaries & Education
In this week’s Torah portion, Vayechi, we hear the end-of-life details for both Jacob and Joseph. Since Jacob is now 147 years old, it was time for him to impart his knowledge and wisdom to his sons and let the next generation take the responsibility for carrying the Jewish people forward. Since Jacob has 12 sons to speak to, it would have seemed easier to bless the whole group at one time. Instead, he asks to see each of them separately to share some final words. These messages turn out to be evaluations and predictions of what their future would hold. This struck me as odd for a couple of reasons.
As a parent, it is easy to spend hours trying to explain our children’s behaviors, but ultimately, many of us take responsibility for how our kids behave knowing that we are their first and most important teachers and thus, they have learned how to act by our example and teaching. Jacob doesn’t take any of the burden for their failures or recognize that he was not always a perfect example or parent. After all, he did steal the birthright from his brother and was always favored by his mother. It also makes me think about what parents want their children to remember in those final moments, especially when we are fortunate enough to know they are coming. And when we don’t know, have we done a good job of making sure our kids understand how we feel and what we hope for them? It takes intention, consistent communication and time to convey pride, trust, appreciation, love, and dreams for the future. Jacob waited until his final moments to speak his feelings and many of them were of disappointment, frustration and consequences for their behaviors. Was this really the way to say goodbye?
I have been fortunate to be parented by the best! From my earliest memories until now, I’ve received everything I needed to succeed. I’ve been taught to learn from failure, accept criticism, feel protected, and always know that I am loved. I’ve also learned the importance of family and how to be the best parent to my daughters by their example. Reflecting on Jacob, who sent his 12 sons to carry on his inheritance, I feel for him. His sons may not have received all they needed to become better people, and their final memories of him may not have been positive. This serves as a reminder to all of us to be mindful of our actions, ensuring that our legacy reflects our intentions and that our children remember both the good and the bad, knowing there was thought and purpose behind what we did. This seems like the best way to ensure the survival of a Jewish community full of loving, thoughtful individuals who share common values and hope for the future.
Please email Michelle Ruby at mruby@jewishcolorado.org with questions or comments.